Seeing Myself as Others See Me

The website, My Quiet Spaces, went live today. It’s been a year since I was first asked whether I would be willing to be involved in this project, primarily as the Spokesperson for the site which was based on a book I’d written called “Quiet Spaces”. I jumped at the opportunity.

There was a lot of work involved, more than I’d first thought, but I didn’t mind. Unlike  many of my projects, which tend to fall into the category of “it seemed like a good idea at the time”, this one was a joy. It was left to me to develop the monthly themes and then write an introduction for them. As well, I put together the questions that would lead the participants into online discussions, into ways to explore creatively, into a time of prayer, and into an opportunity to talk about the theme with family and friends.

I have to say, the writing just flowed – there was no doubt that the Holy Spirit was at work!

There was one little wrinkle – I would be videotaping the monthly introduction of the theme. It wasn’t the thought of the videotaping that gave me pause – I’d had experience videotaping in the past. It was the thought of how I would look. You see, I knew I’d gained weight since my retirement, and even more since my back issues had slowed down my activities. And then there was the thought that the camera always added ten pounds.

Today, my worst fears were realized! I excitedly opened up the site, and then, clicked on the introduction. There I was…ALL of me! I was shocked, appalled, embarrassed, upset, angry with myself for not going on a diet before taping. “I can’t ask any of my friends to watch this,” I thought. And then I thought of the thousands of strangers who would see me. My heart sank. There was nothing I could do.

All the excitement I’d been feeling seeped way. I didn’t even want to think about the site.

This evening, I took another look. This time, I listened to the message without focusing on the bulges.  As I listened, I could hear that God truly had given me the words to say, and my heart lifted with thanksgiving. I felt joyful and humbled that God would use me in such a way.

And it occurred to me that Old Dirty Face had nearly won – that nasty little voice that told me I had to look perfect was not the voice of My Lord, who tells me that I am loved, every ounce, every pound, every wrinkle and every chin. I nearly lost the joy of this incredible opportunity to share my faith with you.

So, let me invite you to my quiet spaces. I know it will be a blessing to you.




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